The Whingdingdilly

This was a short essay in the epic style that I wrote for AP British Literature. We were trying to emulate the style of Beowulf, the Odyssey, etc. We were instructed to use excessive adjectives and flowery language.

The Whingdingdilly was the largest, scariest, most enormous, and most frightening creature that ever roamed the most northern north, the most southern south, the most eastern east and the most western west. Originally, he was the most dull, boring, tedious, dull, and dreary of all old farm dogs ever seen in any universe anywhere in the galaxy. He was a boring, old, mucky-brown colored, furry dog, until he came upon a wicked little witch who possessed great, magnificent magical powers. The bewildered dog was completely overcome with the deepest and darkest fright that no one, not even someone who suffered from all of the different possible phobias that there were, could ever possibly begin to comprehend or understand.

That old, frightening monster of a witch worked her magic, the evilest of all black magic, even more evil than that of Morgan Le Fey from King Arthur’s time. She began dancing around the terrified, panicked dog with an over zealous, passionate, fervent, ardent, fanatical, and obsessive quality to her berserk and jerky movements. In a shrill, piercing screeching voice, she shouted out the most random, nonsense set of words that were ever heard. Suddenly, the dog started to transform into a grand, imposing, grandiose, and august creature. First he grew a humongous hump of a desert creature. Then his back paws became the legs of a hump-backed camel with the majestic stripes of a zebra. His tail transformed from a bush into the smooth, sleek tail of a striped animal resembling a horse, with the corresponding black stripes. His neck elongated itself to be three feet in length with dozens of squared brown spots like a giraffe decorating it. His front legs seemed to suffer from an acute and immediate form of elephantiasis and they swelled up to be twice the normal size of an elephant’s legs. His nose grew a large ivory horn, his ears became floppy, gray, leathery pieces, and antlers, like Rudolph’s, sprouted from the top of his head.

The poor and unfortunate soul was suddenly overcome with dizziness and he fainted with a thump so huge that all around the world, even in China, everyone thought there was a huge earthquake. When he fell he left the largest indentation in the world. Eventually, overtime, the indentation filled with water and became known as the Whingdindilly Lake.

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