Looking Inside Yourself.

Over the last few weeks, and especially the last few days, I have taken a look at me. I mean, I have been really delving into what makes me who I am, and how I can improve myself in different ways.

Central Park, Manhattan, New York, USA

One of the first things I realized, was that I need me time. I take some time to myself, but I need a different type of me time. I need to go on an adventure alone, or try something new alone. I need to embrace my independence as a woman of the 21st century, and really experience some of life. I don’t know what all of this means yet, but I know it needs to happen. I’ll probably start with taking the time to go out on my own this weekend. Central Park might just be calling my name! Maybe I’ll wander the High Line, or visit Astoria. All I know is I need to go out on my own and take in some sights.

I also realized that I want to exercise. Yes, exercise. I want to do something that makes me feel good, something that works as a killer stress relief, something that can really beat the anxiety and frustration out of me. This deep desire led me to the cruel but wonderful Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I wrote about this late last Friday, and I started the workout on Sunday. It’s brutal. It’s painful. It’s tough. But when I’m first done with my workout, I feel so accomplished, so it’s all worth it. About an hour later, I realized how much pain I was in. My upper-back was sore, and the front of my thighs were burning every time I walked up or down stairs…not a good thing when you live in a city that is built up and down. So I called my dad. I explained the pain I was feeling to him, and what stretches Jillian Michaels had recommended that I didn’t think were working for me. We talked for a few minutes and came up with some alternative stretches that I feel more, and I’ll be incorporating them into my cool-down tonight. Hopefully, that will help, and I’ll be a little less sore tomorrow.

Another thing I realized is that there are some things that I do that I later realize aren’t the best choice, and I decide to try to be better and not do it next time. Sometimes, it works, and I do improve. But there are somethings that are still a huge struggle and I don’t quite manage to keep up with it. For example, I realized that the breakfasts I was having weren’t doing much for me. They didn’t make me feel better and healthier like I hoped. So I tried a green smoothie. I used Linda Wagner’s recipe from her blog (you can read it here). I really liked it. It tasted good, I felt better. But I got lazy, and couldn’t get myself to make it every morning. And I didn’t always remember to put the ingredients on the shopping list. So I started making excuses. But like I said at the start of this blog,

people only fail when they do something along the lines of quitting for good. Taking a break is one thing. Totally fine. Heck, even if it’s a twenty year break, it’s still fine. The problem arises when you are too scared to come back to a project and it keeps you away.

So I need to keep taking my own advice, and even when I struggle with some of this stuff, I need to keep going and not give up. I need to be strong, and so do you! Because, as Davey says in Newsies,

“Now is the time to seize the day, stand down the odds and seize the day. Minute by minute, that’s how you win it. We will find a way, but let us seize the day. Courage can not erase our fears. Courage is when we face our fears.”

And so,  I need to face my fears of failure, and stand up and try to “Seize the Day.”

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